Today is my very favorite holiday. It makes up for the fact that I’m a complete bundle of nervous energy this morning. My poor sweet baby Avery has some sort of cold, she is not feeling well at all. I went to sleep last night at 9:30 - 10, and she woke me up screaming at 12:30, 2:00, 3:00, and finally at 5:00. I slept an extra 1/2 hour (lying there cursing the day I was born, actually). At one point, I think it was the 2:00 round, everybody in the house was up - including Señor Fat Ass. At any rate, for as homicidal as I feel with the collective hour of sleep I managed, I don’t in any way blame her at all. It’s not her fault that she’s sick (or five months old, for that matter), but I’m happy about Halloween none the less.

Robbie (Talkline co-host across the hall from our studio) is wearing a cow costume, replete with udders. I said to her “So… I see you went with the Anna Nicole costume after all!” She high fived me and giggled.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Low
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
– Click Here To Take The Test –

I do not believe there is any higher consciousness. I do not believe in God, Jesus, Heaven, Hell, Divine Intervention, Immaculate Conception, The Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Allah, Yaweh, or the Boogeyman. My parents are both religious people, as are all of my 6 siblings and their children. My entire family is devout and I accept my position as the lone heathen. My mother does not know I’m an Atheist, it would only cause her grief and worry and she doesn’t need that. My father knows I put a lot of thought into my decision and that I read a great deal to conclude my position on God. Though he doesn’t like it, he accepts it. My siblings don’t understand but I maintain relationships with most of them and they don’t view me any differently as a result - though that has not always been the case.

As a child, my home was teeming with religion and a very severe awareness of Jesus and the saints. I knew the Commandments and the Act Of Contrition. I knew how to pray and how to behave in church, which we attended weekly. I was told on a daily basis reasons for why I was to do and believe certain things, but it was never reasoned to me in such a way that I could understand why this was to be so. I had to distill everything that was told to me and internalized that Jesus loved me, but he would let me burn in hell forever if I didn’t do exactly this or exactly that. Some things I could agree with, some I was skeptical of. Jesus loved me and I would be rewarded with his love forever if I just believed. No one explained to me at this point that I would have to die in order to get the prize of his eternal love and protection. There were no dead people available for me to consult and find out if this were true, I had to accept it at face value and just believe blindly like everything else.

I was never scared of the Boogeyman as a child until the day I reasoned this fear was substantial enough to make a home in me. If Jesus loved me but would let me be tortured forever in Hell by the Devil for being bad, then Jesus was the Boogeyman!! We had pictures and statues and icons of Jesus and Mary all over, but no pictures of God. I had never actually seen the Boogeyman, so I took from this realization (mind you, I’m like 6 years old here) that God had to be the Boogeyman! After a while, I dismissed the idea of God being all good and loving if he was terrorizing me on a nightly basis. I told my mother about this revelation and she made me pray with her to the baby Jesus for deliverance from my blasphemous freethought. It angered me to the point of pretending to pray out of spite and instead singing “3 Is A Magic Number” silently to myself. That is still my favorite Schoolhouse Rock song.

While walking home from first grade one day (back when it was considered safe to let your 6 year old children do such a thing) my sister told me that the man whose house we had to walk past daily, who sat on his front porch and would wave at anyone passing by, who was seemingly nice enough, THIS man was some evil ogre who murdered children and ate their flesh - or something equally lame. I didn’t believe it, because he always waved at me and smiled - but kept his distance. His gesture made me feel better every day, and I thought it was ridiculous to say such disparaging things about a man who was being nice to us. I told her she was a liar and sometime later decided that I had no fear of him. I reasoned that if he was bad or mean that he would have tried to scare me. If he didn’t, then he was okay by me but I wasn’t going to think bad things about him just because she said he was.

Soon after I began my quest for proof of all things I was supposed to make a judgement call on. My mother told me that I was to take people on their actions, and not on their words. It was a variation on sticks and stones. I became skeptical of the Devil, especially when my mother would point ou
t his handiwork in other people. I never could reason for myself the stories I heard from the bible. I was told so many things that I was not to question, things I felt were a blatant contradiction in terms. God loves all of the children - but he let his own son be murdered. Jesus loved me, but not unconditionally. You will have eternal life if you die for it first. God murders people who disagree with him to do their own thing without hurting others. And miracles? I never saw one, and the ones I heard of sounded far fetched at best.

As a teenager I read voraciously. I wanted to know why I was made to feel guilty about questioning things I didn’t understand, and I wanted proof of these things I was “supposed” to believe on blind faith. I was raised to ask questions and investigate, and this was encouraged when my parents left the church and the concept of religion was no longer discussed in our home. I read from the Talmud and the Torah. I read from the Bible and the Koran. I read on the Buddha and the Bhagavad Gita. I studied the crusades and anything I could find on Catechism without getting directly involved. I wanted proof of God. I wanted proof of existence. I wanted to know if there was life after death. All the while I read and studied of this immaculate, perfect, wonderful love of God I never had any emotional or spiritual connection to anything I discovered. I kept going back to my childhood mythology and how robbed I felt to discover the lie of Santa and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. These feelings were one and the same. I was raised to believe in God and could find no proof he existed. I was angry and heartbroken, for I truly wanted to believe more than I ever really did. And now I found I was standing at the very precipice of my truth - did I jump off without the security of what I knew to be true, or did I conclude that it was all a lie?

I chose reason. I chose logic. I chose science. I chose to be responsible for my life’s actions because it was my choice to be a decent human and make good decisions and judgements. I chose to be responsible for my actions and own my mistakes and wrongdoings without blaming them on a Devil. I chose to do right by people because I loved them and not because I had the incentive of a mythical place I would go after I died as reward for being a good man.

I rejected the idea of a way of life that would prevent me from enjoying what I felt were harmless things. I rejected the assertion that Jesus loved me but didn’t love my sins. I rejected the notion that I lead a good life, yet I was a sinner. If there is no God, there is no such thing as sin and by that logic I decided that I had never sinned a day in my life. I rejected people who claimed to be Christians who didn’t live every moment of their lives according to the Bible’s teachings. You either accept the Bible as a whole and live by every standard in it or you are not a Christian - there is no editing out the bits you don’t agree with. You follow all the teachings of Catholicism and attend regular mass & confession (if that is still what it is called) or you’re not a Catholic. You follow the teachings of Allah and Mohammed and say your 5 prayers a day and live my the Islamic faith as depicted in the Koran or you’re not a Muslim. You take it all or you cannot claim the label. You’re a hypocrite or you’re not.

I truly believe that I’m happier without the idea of God in my life. I never feel guilty or shameful, because I never do things I’ll later feel guilty for or ashamed of. I feel more enlightened without the chokehold religion and blind faith put on me as a child. I was born an Atheist just like every other living person - and now I’ve come full circle. I feel completely liberated. I never feel the imposition of judgement for things I cannot control. I believe this life is all that there is and that makes each day special and meaningful. I have come to appreciate life in a much more complete sense now that I live each day as fully as possible. I make moments count wh
ile I have them instead of waiting for a payoff at the end of my life. I don’t live in fear of the consequences of thinking for myself.

I have a responsible life full of friends and family. I have a home to be responsible for and children to help raise. I have a community I try to be active in so that it will be a better place for these children to call home when they no longer need me. I try to help them be individuals and think for themselves to make better decisions in their own best interests, and not let others do the work for them.

I’m a better man without God than I would have ever been with God. I know that some would think this is crazy - but then again, that’s their prerogative and I’m fine with that. At the end of most every day, I am satisfied in knowing that I actively did something to help someone else less fortunate than I, even if that was just to smile at them and wish them well, instead of wasting my time trying to ascribe to some highter spiritual purpose.

I’m a good man because I choose to be. I don’t hurt anyone on purpose. I try to make life better for my own family and don’t concern myself with other’s morality issues as it is none of my business how others choose to live so long as they’re not hurting me or my family. I have a great sense of humor, because there is no humor in being righteous. I’d rather have fun than worry about some sky fairy who’s looking at me from a cloud with a shameful eye plotting my imminent roasting in Hell.

All of this having been said, I do leave a fraction of room for error that I could be wrong. I believe completely that God is bullshit. Assuming I’m wrong and there really were a God, I would still feel the same way and would reject him on sight - for a million reasons - the first of which is his crimes against humanity and allowing the painful suffering of those he claims to love so much yet forsakes every day. This is unacceptable to me, so in the highly unlikely event that there really was a God I would want to be the first one to spit in his face and say “Fuck You”. Why you ask? Because I’d say the same thing to anyone who held my life in his hands and claimed to love me but would consign me to a painful death if I didn’t do his bidding. Because that’s not love. True love has no conditions. And if I died for taking that stand, then I lived according to what I thought was right and that’s a noble way to go. And I’m fine with that.

Everybody Here Wants You
Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss
A singing smile
Coffee smell and lilac skin
Your flame in me

Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss
A singing smile
Coffee smell and lilac skin
Your flame in me

I’m only here for this moment

I know everybody here wants you
I know everybody here thinks he needs you
I’ll be waiting right here just to show you
How our love will blow it all away

Such a thing of wonder in this crowd
I’m a stranger in this town
You’re free with me
And our eyes locked in downcast love
I sit here proud
Even now you’re undressed in your dreams with me

Oh, I’m only here for this moment

I know everybody here wants you
I know everybody here thinks he needs you
I’ll be waiting right here just to show you
How our love will blow it all away

I know the tears we cried
Have dried on yesterday
The sea of fools has parted for us
There’s nothing in our way
My love

Don’t you see, don’t you see?
You’re just the torch to put the flame to all our guilt and shame
And I’ll rise like an ember in your name

I know everybody here wants you
I know everybody here thinks he needs you
I’ll be waiting right here just to show you
Oh let me show you
That love can rise, rise just like embers

Love can taste like the wine of the ages,
And I know they all looks so good from a distance
But I tell you I’m the one

I know everybody here, well, thinks he needs you
Think he needs you
And I’ll be waiting right here just to show you.

Grace
There’s the moon asking to stay
Long enough for the clouds to fly me away
Well it’s my time coming, i’m not afraid to die
My fading voice sings of love,
But she cries to the clicking of time
Of time

Wait in the fire…

And she weeps on my arm
Walking to the bright lights in sorrow
Oh drink a bit of wine we both might go tomorrow
Oh my love
And the rain is falling and i believe
My time has come
It reminds me of the pain
I might leave
Leave behind

Wait in the fire…

And I feel them drown my name
So easy to know and forget with this kiss
I’m not afraid to go but it goes so slow

Hallelujah
I heard there was a secret chord
That david played and it pleased the lord
But you don’t really care for music, do you
Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ….

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah …. .

Baby i’ve been here before
I’ve seen this room and i’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before i knew you
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ….

Well there was a time when you let me know
What’s really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you
But remember when i moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Well, maybe there’s a god above
But all i’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
It’s not a cry that you hear at night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah ….

Lover, You Should’ve Come Over
Looking out the door i see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe i’m too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you’re on my mind so you never know

When i’m broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much i need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should
be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage he’s done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one

So i’ll wait for you… and i’ll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn

Oh lover, you should’ve come over
‘Cause it’s not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come

It’s never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It’s never over, all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her
It’s never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It’s never over, she’s the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

Well maybe i’m just too young
To keep good love from going wrong

Oh… lover, you should’ve come over
‘Cause it’s not too late

Well I feel too young to hold on
And i’m much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage i’ve done
Sweet lover, you should’ve come over
Oh, love well i’m waiting for you

Lover, you should’ve come over
‘Cause it’s not too late

Eternal Life
Eternal life is now on my trail
Got my red glitter coffin man, just need one last nail
While all these ugly gentlemen play out their foolish games
There’s a flaming red horizon that screams our names

And as your fantasies are broken in two
Did you really think this bloody road would pave the way for you
You better turn around and blow your kiss hello to life eternal
Angel

Racist everyman, what have you done
Man, you’ve made a killer of your unborn son
Crown my fear your king at the point of a gun
All I want to do is love everyone

And as your fantasies are broken in two
Did you really think this bloody road would pave the way for you
You better turn around and blow your kiss hello to life eternal

There’s no time for hatred, only questions
What is love, where is happiness, what is life, where is peace
When will i find the strength to bring me release

Tell me where is the love in what your prophet has said
Man, it sounds to me just like a prison for the walking dead
And i’ve get a message for you and your twisted hell
You better turn around and blow your kiss goodbye to life eternal
Angel

Dream Brother
There is a child sleeping near his twin
The pictures go wild in a rush of wind
That dark angel he is shuffling in
Watching over them with his black feather wings unfurled

The love you lost with her skin so fair
Is free with the wind in her butterscotch hair
Her green eyes bloom goodbyes
With her head in her hands and your kiss on the lips another
Dream brother
With your tears scattered round the world.

Don’t be like the one who made me so old
Don’t belie the one who left behind his name
‘Cause they’re waiting for you like i waited for mine
And nobody ever came

I feel afraid and i call your name
I love your voice and your dance insane
I hear your words and i know your pain
Your head in your hands and her kiss on the lips of another
Your eyes to the ground
And the world spinning round forever

Asleep in the sand with the ocean washing over

Satisfied Mind
How many times have you heard someone say
If I had money, I will do things my way
But little they know, that it’s so hard to find
One rich man in ten with a satisfied mind

Money can’t buy back all your youth when you’re old
A friend when you’re lonely, oh peace to your soul
The wealthiest person is a pauper at times
Compared to the man with a satisfied mind

My life is over and my time has run out
My friends and my loved ones
I will leave them no doubt
But one things for certain
When it comes my time
I’ll leave this old world, oh yeah oh yeah, with a satisfied mind
One things for certain, when it comes my time, oh yeah,
I’ll leave this old world, oh with a satisfied mind
Mind mind mind mind, satisfied mind

What Will You Say
It’s been such a long time
And I was just a child then
What will you say
When you see my face?
Time feels like it’s flown away
The days just pass and fade away
What will you say
When
they take my place?

It’s funny now
I just don’t feel like a man
What will you say
When you see my face?
My face…

Mother dear, the world’s gone cold
No one cares about love anymore
What will you say
When you see my face?

Father do you hear me?
Do you know me?
Do you even care?
What will you say
When they take my place?

My heart can’t take this anymore
What will you say
When you see my face?
When you see my,
See my face…

I can feel your time crawling
To a slow end
I can feel my time crawling
To a slow end…

Mother dear, the world’s gone cold
No one cares about love anymore
What will you say
When you see my face?

Father do you hear me?
Do you know me?
Did you even care?
What will you say
When you take my place?

Well it’s so funny now
I just don’t feel like I’m a man
What will you say?

I was sleeping fine until close to 3AM when it happened… Martin perched outside my bedroom window, took off his cat costume and wore his inner self, which I lovingly call “Rabid Tasmanian Devil From The 5th Level Of Dante’s Hell” and fought another cat the size of Babe the goddamned Blue Ox. I mean RIGHT under my window, I heard them thumping on the wall. I was all like “Kill him! Kill the fat bastard!” I swear I tasted my own blood and wished it were his.

The baby woke up, I had to pacify her, THEN kill Martin, THEN bury him so Maggie wouldn’t see his body sawed in half on the lawn… Okay, okay, okay - I whacked him with a broom until he ran into the Christian’s yard and then went back to my room, but LET his furry ass wake me up again from a sound sleep. I never got back to sleep so I read the rest of my book until it was time to leave the house to come here to work.

Paige told me yesterday that she has pictures of Lilly, my beloved Pug, that she’s going to give me. I miss her terribly, I was hurt to the center of my being when she ran away. One day I’ll have two - until then, I have the one that my sweet Cheryl gave me that Avery sleeps with at naptime. Speaking of Madame Droolsalot, I moved her rocking chair into my room so I can get her in the habit of being rocked to sleep. Last night she wouldn’t go down to sleep for loving or money - so I rocked her while Maggie & Nathan laid on my bed until she went to sleep. I ran out of songs to sing her so I had to make them up, which made Maggie laugh and I had to keep going on and on and on until she was either wiped out from the day or exhausted from hearing my drivel.

I’m craving pasta puttanesca in a BAD way, man! Sometime soon I need to bake some bread too, I want foccacia and chocolate cherry bread.

Paige called me again at work this morning, and we talked for a little while. She has not only rid herself of Casey completely, but is pursuing legal action against him for taking money from her. I’m very proud of her and glad that she finally came back to her senses. She came by this morning when I got home to see me and was very nervous that I was going to still be upset with her, but I hugged her and told her that all I ever wanted was for her to be in charge of her life and be responsible and happy. Of course, being Paige, she cried. I told her that I didn’t want tears anymore, that I wanted her to be happy finally. She replied “You KNOW how I get!” and I giggled at her and told her she was a goofball.

We sat and talked until Maggie brought Cole home from school, she was nervous that Maggie was going to be upset with her as well, but Maggie smiled at her when she walked in and hugged her and small talked for a minute before she had to go back to work. Paige was so relieved that she cried again.

I’ve got dinner made already for the most part. We’re supposed to be getting pumpkins tonight if I’m not mistaken. I heard of a nursery out Fortson Road close to here that has the best selection of pumpkins around - apparently they have a gajillion of them.

Paige brought me these pictures from when I took her to Amelia Island to my family beach house two years ago, I made a new icon out of them. WOOHOO!! More pictures of my scary mug!! ::grimaces::

Just park in front of the fucking restaurant already!

Man, I’m STAAAAAAAAAAAAHVIN’!!

Hi, party of one? Flushing or non flushing?

WOOHOO!! Vive le goats!

…for all your skydiving needs…

Sad thing is I know people who should live on this street!

“Where do you want to eat?”
“Oh, wherever is fine with me.”
“Well, phucket!”

::scratch scratch scratch::

src="http://www.roadtripamerica.com/signs/oldhorses.jpg" />
…..

WOOHOO!!

What the hell?

Squidwerd’s restaurant!

I beg to differ! ::kisses palm::

YEW GO TO HAIL!! YEW GO TO HAIL AND YEW DIE!!!!!

I just got a call from Rachel Woods, a teacher at Double Churches Elementary School - where Cole is a student. She called me because she heard that I had a nephew at her school and that she wanted to ask a favor of me. The school wants a local celebrity to host this year’s spelling bee, and she wanted to know if I was interested. I told her that I would be absolutely thrilled to host the spelling bee, and thanked her for considering me in the first place.

Man oh MAN! How awesome would that be? I get to use my “celebrity” status to do something for Cole’s school? HELL YES!

I had a very restful sleep last night, and my back doesn’t hurt any worse today than it did yesterday - which is fine by me. There was this interesting show on the Discovery Channel (Love that one) called “A Haunting In Connecticut” that was very cool. Kind of an Amityville sort of thing. I love that kind of stuff. Family moves into a huge old house, finds out after the fact that it used to be a funeral home and the embalming equiptment and morgue freezer are in the basement in a hidden room.

Avery tried her first solid food last night, she had part of a cinnamon raisin bagel to chew on for her teething gums. She kept flaring out her nostrils with that distinctive “What the bloody hell is THIS all about?” look on her face. It was adorable.

I made a Jamaican feast for dinner, it was all very spicy and fragrant and jummylicious. I made the most tender grilled Jerk Chicken, black beans with rice, an Island Salad (cucumbers, tomatoes, and red onions in a red wine vinaigrette), and Festival turnovers. The turnovers are a variation of Jamaican Vegetable Patties, which are normally baked in a pie crust, but I do mine in puff pastry and a little curry oil. Everything was nice and spicy, and I used some of the chili peppers that grew and gave me - thanks again, Michael!

Damien went to Atlanta this morning and came back with a bunch of stuff from storage. He brought a TV, DVD, & VCR for me to use in my bedroom. We rearranged the furniture in my room and I like it SO much better the way it is now, it really opened my room up and made it bigger. We have spent so much time and energy this morning/afternoon getting the house cleaned up that I’m exhausted - and my back? FORGET ABOUT IT!

I’m looking forward to Halloween this Thursday, We haven’t even gotten our pumpkins yet! Better get crackin’!

I’m really hoping that the two guys who were arrested are in fact responsible for the murders in the DC area. I’m not going off on a tangent about this… ::shock runs through my entire journal - “NOOOO!! I DISBELIEVE!!”::

I’m going to do fun stuff this weekend and get a lot of rest and take a lot of pictures. That’s my main goal for tomorrow, to spend the day taking pictures. That’s what I want to do more than anything.

Here’s something fun for my fellow heathens:

IT CAME UPON A MIDNIGHT CLEAR

It came upon a midnight clear, a thought so incredibly bold.
I realized I’d been taken in by all that I had been told.
I looked at all the religious strife, the conflicts in every land;
And suddenly, it was clear to me that God was made by Man.

For only Man could make a god as cruel and vindictive as he;
And if you doubt what I’m saying here, just read the Bible and see.
This god of mercy, this god of love is childish and vengeful and cruel.
He acts a lot like a kid I knew, the bully in my old school.

The Bible, hardly the word of god, was written by mortal hand.
It’s filled with fables, with myth and lies to comfort primitive man.
Peace on the earth will never come until we take a stand:
Quit praising gods that don’t exist, and help our fellow man.

O COME, ALL YE FAITHFUL

O Come, all ye faithful, sinful and despondent.
O Come ye, O Come ye FROM Bethlehem.
Come to your senses, Christ is but a fable.
O Come, let us ignore him.
O Come, let us ignore him.
O Come, let us ignore him, Christ the lord.

Sing, choirs of humans. Sing in exultation.
Sing, all ye citizens of earth, here and now.
Glory to Man, to Nature ever bountiful.
O Come, let us ignore him.
O Come, let us ignore him.
O Come, let us ignore him, Christ the lord.

Reason, we greet thee, born this happy morning;
Born of the powers in the mind of Man.
End superstition, all that’s metaphysical.
O Come, let us ignore him.
O Come, let us ignore him.
O Come, let us ignore him, Christ the lord.

THERE IS NO HELL

(To the tune of ‘The First Noel’)

There is No Hell, No Judgment Day;
No matter what some Fundamentalists say.
No Firey Pit, No Suffering, No Blame,
No one to Condemn and Consign you to Flame.

No Hell, No Hell, No Hell, No Hell.
Sing and be Joyful, there is No Hell.

There is no Sin, No Adam and Eve,
No Serpent that talks, as we’re taught to believe.
No Fall, No Cain, No Ark, No Flood,
No Savior to save us, when washed in his Blood.

No Hell, No Hell, No Hell, No Hell.
Sing and be Joyful, there is No Hell.

There is no Creed, No Religion that’s True.
And it’s time for believing in Me and in You.
We’re all we have.With death it all ends.
Can’t we all work together and try to be Friends?

No Hell, No Hell, No Hell, No Hell.
Sing and be Joyful, there is No Hell.

AWAY WITH THE DANGER

(Away in a Manger)

Away with the dangerous lies we’ve been told,
Of deities, virgins, and streets paved with gold.
Beliefs are the products of primitive minds.
Try asking some questions; and answers you’ll find.

The answers you find may upset you at first;
But you can’t ignore them. For knowledge, you thirst.
Although it’s more painful, it’s better to know
That the Bible can’t help you — it just isn’t so.

So, where do you turn when you’re lost and confused?
Look into your own mind. It’s time it was used.
Responsible people have always known,
To be strong in this world you must stand on your own.

You’re better off knowing just where you stand.
The promise of heaven is built upon sand.
There is no tomorrow, so live for today;
And help all your brothers you meet on the way.

O CHRISTMAS TREE

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
How murderous and wasteful
To end your life so carelessly,
So thoughtless and distasteful.
We carry on traditions vile,
To honor Superstition’s child.
O Christmas Tree, I feel for thee,
How murderous and wasteful.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
How brittle are thy branches.
It matters not (a damn)* t
o me
You came from farms or ranches.
In parking lots you waste away.
That’s where you spent Thanksgiving Day.
O Christmas Tree, it saddens me,
How brittle are thy branches.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
I oftentimes am wond’ring
How beautiful this world could be,
If Man would cease his squand’ring.
He listens well when “Profit” sings,
With no respect for living things.
How beautiful this world could be,
I oftentimes am wond’ring.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
This year it is official:
To show my deep regard for thee,
I’m buying “artificial.”
I’ll work for change, I promise thee,
For only Man can save a tree.
Long life to thee, O Christmas Tree,
I’m buying “artificial.”

A CROCODILE COMES UP AND BITES YOUR LEG OFF!! Hey, what do you want, he was hungry and you taste like chicken afterall!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH I don’t care if it rains or freezes ‘long as I got my plastic Jesus ridin’ on the dashboard of my carrrrrrrrrrrr… And Idon’t care ’bout queers of fairies ‘long as I got my Virgin Mary ridin’ on the dashboard of my carrrrrrrr!… ::thwaps self berry berry hard::

I have NO idea where that came from. I remember we had Mary & Jesus nightlights in the hallway when I was a kid, one across from the other, and they gave me the heebie jeebies when I got up to pee in the middle of the night. I always thought they were playing a really intense game of staredown, and I used to think I’d end the game if I walked in front of them - and they’d shoot lasers out of their eyes at me for making the game end. Then again, I also used to be convinced as a child that Jesus was the boogeyman. Afterall, he saw what I was doing all the time, good and bad, and would come and get me.

It was strange, because I was always told similar things about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, so I would always get confuzzled about who was who. Then the little girl across the street from me told me that Santa Claus was bullshit and I ran home to both of my parents mad as hell! I told them that they were horrible people and that they always said “Lying is the worst thing you could ever do to us” - and I called them both liars and said something or other about never trusting them again. I ran back outside and heard my father say to my mother “What am I supposed to say to THAT?” I asked my mother about this many years later and she told me that at that point, there was no way they could have reasoned with me at that point. I was seven years old. Anyhoo…

Last night Damien, Cole, Avery and I watched E.T. on DVD. Maggie & Nathan went out shopping and we stayed home and watched the movie with the kids. Cole loved it, I know he would. He’s wanted to see it since it was being rereleased in theaters.

I’m landing in a tense situation amongst friends, and soon I could likely make commentary that would sting more than one person and spur me on to calling out things that many think but few would actually say. I feel volatile and insulted, and to a lesser degree betrayed. I slept for shit because I was so angry, so what’s left of me for today is tired, irritated, and quick to lash out. Rest assured folks - if I were talking specifically about you, you’d know it so before I get home today to 15 “Are you upset with me? Who are you talking about?” questions, if you’ve said nothing to piss me off in the last 24 hours then I’m not talking to you and you need not concern yourself.

Here’s to hoping the baby takes a LOOOONG nap today so I can calm my now frayed nerves.