I’m all alone here, it is very quiet. Almost unnervingly so. I suppose my life being as busy and noisy as it normally is I am just not accustomed to the quiet and the solace. I made an update about my experience at the Sugarland concert and seeing Jenn at Pride yesterday on my journal this morning while I was having coffee, but there is much much more to tell that has nothing to do with Jenn, so I decided I would make an update before the laziness I’m looking forward to later kicks in and I become something-or-other like Jabba the Hutt. Only without the slaves and that whole being evil thing. Was he evil? He was, wasn’t he? I don’t even know.

Maggie, Nathan and Avery left today at lunchtime for the beach. I tried for the past day to convince Avery that what she REALLY wanted was to stay home with me, but when it got down to the wire and I was holding her and kissing her bye-bye, she threw a monkey wrench in my whole program. I was standing in the doorway with her in my arms giving her kisses and asking her if she wanted to stay home with me, and she shook her head “No” and pointed one little plump finger at Maggie in the Altima and said “Car!” So I gave her to Maggie and said “Well get the hell on then, stank-ass!” and she giggled at me and blew me a kiss.

Before I go any further, I have to tell you something. I was reading Callie’s journal earlier and something made me laugh out loud. She went to the post office somewhere near her house in LA and Little Richard was in line in front of her. She says that he looked exactly like he does in TV and was “…painted for the 5th floor balcony.” I almost laughed my coffee out of my nose on reading that. She was in NYC this past weekend and while in her hotel room trying to fall asleep was flipping channels on the television and Soldier’s Girl was playing. She said it was very surreal to see that and she turned it off before the ending so she could manage to actually GET sleep. I really wished she didn’t live so far away, I want to give her a hug everytime I read something she’s said like that.

Pride was an extraordinary experience, made better by the fact taht some of the people I’m closest to in the world got to experience it with me for the first time. This made me very happy and took away some of the sting of not having Damien there with me. There’s always next year, though! Fred and his cronies/lapdogs/lackeys were strangely absent, which was a good thing - although I would really liked for him to see the t-shirt I made in his honor. Again, there’s always next year! I took many many pictures and met a lot of new friends. I kept looking for the fundie with the billboard about Tolerance so I could extend my hand and tell them If you knew ANYTHING of Jesus, you’d know that he would be here marching alongside us RIGHT NOW, so put your money where your mouth is, take my hand and come with me or accept that you are a hypocrite.”

I feel very calm right now, but still a bit sad. Today makes 3 years that Shane has been dead and I’m trying really hard not to think about it. I tried hard not to listen to the voice in my head when my family left earlier, but the truth is that when someone I know leaves to go on a trip I always get the most sick feeling in my stomach. I have had so many people close to me die that I never expect them to come back once they and I become grief stricken until I talk myself out of being that negative. I know, I know - it makes sense and it’s a sad way to feel, but it passes eventually.

I’m going to enjoy my quiet time this evening, and I’m fine for those who might wonder. If you need me give me a ring, I’m only screening calls of the people I don’t know. I might go out later after dinner and get coffee or sit someplace quiet and read, I haven’t decided yet. I might just stay home and watch one of the movies I keep putting off watching and fall asleep on the couch. I’ve got
the rest of the week to do that now, that’s for sure!

Computer is totally fucked, can’t even get AOL to run and Internet Explorer won’t let me check email through www.aol.com. Livejournal is acting all fucked up, things are appearing on screen when they shouldn’t and I cannot post comments to other journals. Tried logging out and then back in, and nothing. Damien took me to the cemetery earlier to visit Staci’s grave, which has completely turned me inside out emotionally. I feel raw and vulnerable, like my insides are on display. Tried to take a nap a while ago and failed miserably because I’m exhausted but cannot get to sleep. Sugarland is playing tonight and I don’t feel like leaving the house - but I’m going for Jennifer. I’m motherfucking furious that Celeste has had to go through this ordeal, and though I have no details as to why, there is no excuse for what she has had to suffer. I feel like exhausted, nauseous, hammered shit. I apologize beforehand for my mood tonight, if you see me this evening I ask that you bear with me - I’m not at all myself right now. If you need to get in touch with me today and don’t have my number, email me at jude@thedigitalghost.com

If you plan on going to Atlanta Pride and are following us, have yourselves at the Williams Rd. Welcome Center READY TO ROLL no later than 10:00 AM. We are leaving at 10, so if you snooze, you lose. I have no room left in the car, so I hope everyone has arranged transportation to and from already. If there’s any doubt you’ll be there in time, we’ll see you in Atlanta at the Civic Center MARTA station between 12 and 12:30.

Will either see you tomorrow morning/afternoon, or tonight at the Sugarland show!

We are going to have SOOOOOO much fun!

You are Ani DiFranco! *GROWL* You are one spunky
lil thing! You have very strong beliefs on
everything and you are very clever and
intelligent. You don’t use your looks to get
ahead, but you are a sex symbol in your own
right. All in all, you are a righteous babe!

If I was a female musician, I would be…
brought to you by Quizilla

I am truly passionate.
You’re excited about life and in touch with yourself and nature. Tell me, do I have this straight?

Virtues: You appreciate humor like none other. Puns might even spark laughter in you (TEHY R FUNNI). You seek adventure and connection with your surroundings. You seek friends who will not only share laughs with you but actually form a deep bond of trust and empathy beneath the surface. You look for adventure and courage in people, and variation is necessary to keep you under control. You see yourself as multi-faceted, so you need people who can see you in your many lights. You’re constantly trying to figure yourself out while analyzing the people around you. Silly, silly people.

Aspirations: You can’t decide what you want to be yet, but you know you want it to be adventures and interesting, with constant changes. You don’t know what love will do for you yet, but it’s competing with adventure for a place in your heart. An internal conflict has begun: can you be a successful worker, lover, and parent all at once?

Quirks: Noise of any sort is irritating when you’re in the mood. Smacking gum, loud chewing, humming- it’s about as pleasing as bodily noises. You dislike emaciated people because of jealousy and just plain disgust. You’re a procrastinator but a hard worker, too.

Factors: You need constant attention and support. You’re high-maintnence, but a great, reliable friend. Nature needs you and you need nature; it’s helped thus far, so keep in touch with the outside world.

Future: Who knows! You absolutely need constant change, so vacationing is surely in the cards. Will you settle down or not? Love will find you eventually, as it does to everyone. Will you choose the sweet home life or the rewarding busy-bee life?

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

Very strong
a bit self-willed
independent
does not allow contradiction or arguments
loves life
its family
children and animals
a bit of a butterfly
good sense of humor
likes idleness and laziness
of practical talent and intelligence.

What does The Birthday Analyzer Say About Your Birthday?

In other news, I’m very excited about this weekend! Tomorrow I get to see and hear Sugarland and my sweet Jennifer again, and I’m very excited about taking the pictures and doing some artwork for them. Sunday is quickly becoming a reality in my mind, I’m especially looking forward to the looks on the faces of my friends who have never experienced Pride before, because being there with them is going to be the best part of it for me. I have to finish doing the transfer for Jennie’s & Renea’s t-shirts today. I’m going back to my music now, I’ve been on a serious Tears For Fears/Sinéad O’Connor jag lately.

In OTHER other news, Pro-segregationist and rabid homophobe Strom Thurmond is dead at 100. Wow, and it’s not even my birthday. Wonder what killed him?

High Court Strikes Down Sodomy Law

WASHINGTON (June 26) - The Supreme Court struck down a ban on gay sex Thursday, ruling that the law was an unconstitutional violation of privacy.

The 6-3 ruling reverses course from a ruling 17 years ago that states could punish homosexuals for what such laws historically called deviant sex.

The case is a major reexamination of the rights and acceptance of gay people in the United States. More broadly, it also tests a state’s ability to classify as a crime what goes on behind the closed bedroom doors of consenting adults.

Thursday’s ruling invalidated a Texas law against ”deviate sexual intercourse with another individual of the same sex.”

Defending that law, Texas officials said that it promoted the institutions of marriage and family, and argued that communities have the right to choose their own standards.

The law ”demeans the lives of homosexual persons,” Justice Anthony M. Kennedy wrote for the majority.

Laws forbidding homosexual sex, once universal, now are rare. Those on the books are rarely enforced but underpin other kinds of discrimination, lawyers for two Texas men had argued to the court.

The men ”are entitled to respect for their private lives,” Kennedy wrote.

”The state cannot demean their existence or control their destiny by making their private sexual conduct a crime,” he said.

Justices John Paul Stevens, David Souter, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen Breyer agreed with Kennedy in full. Justice Sandra Day O’Connor agreed with the outcome of the case but not all of Kennedy’s rationale.