This is my current userinfo, I overhauled it this morning in my slightly hungover stupor.

Last night was MUCH fun, we all got drunk on an assortment of alcoholic beverages and 110 jello shots (I kid you not, 110 - and
all were consumed), ate until we could stand no more, played countless games of pool, and sang along to loud country music. More about those jello shots. The raspberry ones were made with rum, the orange ones with vodka, and the black cheery ones with Crown Royal. Those were the best, and I normally hate cherry flavored stuff. Great party, Shannon!

Check it out.

In honor of my last post, I return bearing gifts.

Click here to download the “Jumping Jesus On A Pogo Stick!!” screensaver.

::boing boing boing::

In an effort to counter the “Rock The Vote” movement, Evangelical Christians are “Redeeming The Vote”. There’s a story about it on MSNBC that actually says the following:

“It’s the antithesis of Rock the Vote,” says Randy Brinson, who founded Redeem the Vote. “We’re trying to do something just as hip and entertaining and just as well done in terms of quality. But without being too risque, without the sexual innuendo.”

Roy flirts with the crowd, then steps back and flashes his Donny Osmond smile. And when he sings “I don’t mean to be so cold. My words have cut you to the bone. But my heart still longs for you alone,” he’s not talking about a depressed ex-girlfriend with stalker-ish tendencies but about …

“His Majesty. King of Kings, my rock, my salvation, Jeee-heee-sus.” And that’s when the girls really melt.”

Yeah, baby. HOT.

I laughed when I read this, because it reminded me of last night when M&N were watching TV and called me in to watch Benny Hinn faith healing in some arena of really sad people, who totally buy into this shit like it’s real. That stuff always makes my blood boil, but then they changed channels and the commercial for “Songs-4-Life” came on, which plays clips of cornier-than-thou Xtian “rock” music and shows clips of hundreds of tear-stained faces, eyes closed, palms outstretched skyward in some arena of really sad people, who totally buy into this shit like it’s real. Remember how I said earlier that I cannot watch karaoke and American Idol auditions because it is painful for me to be embarrassed for these people? Same principal here. I end up laughing, and that’s just wrong.

Yesterday evening, just over an hour after coming home from work, Maggie left for Savannah to preside over a hearing for one of our more needy clients. She stayed overnight and will be home sometime late this afternoon / early this evening. I was out with D last night at his place, we watched the lunar eclipse with some friends on his front lawn. When I got home, I went to check on the kids and they weren’t sleeping in their beds. Both of them and Nathan were piled up in M&N’s bed, which told me then and there that no one was going to sleep well. Those kids will kick your ass all OVER a bed, and poor Nathan was already about to fall off the edge! Flash forward to 7:40 this morning, Cole is crying inconsolably and he and Nathan are arguing back and forth over something, I didn’t catch what. What I did hear Cole say was that he only got about 3 hours of sleep.

He went to get dressed for school, still crying, and appeared in the kitchen a few minutes later, red eyed and doing that uncontrollable, spastic sniffle-gasping thing that we all did when we were kids after a crying jag. He walked up to me and threw his arms around my waist, and buried his face in my stomach to cry a little more. I told him he didn’t have to tell me right away why he was so upset, because he wouldn’t be able to speak clearly enough for me to understand and all that would serve to do is make him more upset. When I asked him what he’d like for breakfast, he whined “I’m… not… huuuuungryyyyyy..yyy.yy….” Did I mention that my poor baby boy does NOT cope well with things when Maggie is out of town?

After a minute or two of him heaving into me and me rubbing his back, he calmed down enough to explain to me why he was so upset. Apparently today is Slipper Day at school, the say where you can wear bedroom slippers instead of shoes. M&N have been so busy lately that they clearly forgot about this and didn’t take him to get new slippers, otherwise there’s no way in hell he would’ve been without them. Maggie is spread all over the place, so it’s no wonder she forgot - Nathan is constantly on his cellphone with work related issues, so neither one of them is ever not committed to something - so things like this are bound to happen. Nathan called Maggie and they both agreed that since he was already so upset and tired from lack of sleep that it was best if he stayed home today. He went back to bed as soon as Nathan left for work.

Here’s where my experience being the kiss-it-and-make-it-better parent comes into play. About 15 minutes after Nathan left, Cole comes out of his room. I knew he wasn’t going back to sleep, but will probably get a nap later, so no worries. He comes into my room and throws his arms around me, so I held him for a little while. I told him “You know, just because we can’t have slipper day at school - that doesn’t mean we can’t have pajama day at home.” He looked up at my face and smiled, so the tickling ensued and I told him to go to his room and get out of school clothes IMMEDIATELY, there was no school today and therefore no school clothes were allowed. Put on pajamas, grab your pillow and blanket, and park it on the couch in the living room Mister Boy! He trots off to his room grinning, and I start on the blueberry pancakes.

After lunch, he’s watching The Goonies and he’s going to being lazy while Avery naps. That’ll give me the opportunity to get some office work done as well. After this post, I’m going to knock out some cleaning and fix Avery’s piggy tails, as per her request.

And once again, all is right with the world.

Ugh, I swore I’d never do this, but it’s just that is so bloody clever and inspiring. And yes, I know I’m blatantly ripping off Eric.

Post a reply listing 3 different emotional reactions, like this:

1. fear
2. raucous laughter
3. discombobulated

I’ll take (or someone will take) pictures of myself acting out said emotional reactions and post them, crediting the requester. See icon for more detail.

You can blame for this!

So around town, stupid people en masse are putting these ridiculous “Protect Traditional Marriage” signs in their yards, on their cars, you name it. Every day I go to school to pick up Cole, there’s this guy who stands outside with me waiting on his daughter. Nice guy, middle 40’s, likes to make small talk. Today I notice he had a huge PTM sign in the window of his Jeep Cherokee. Nathan had warned me about this guy parading around school with this sign in his window, and today I realized it was the same guy stepping out of his car and waving to me with a big smile before heading up the hill to the school. “Oh, you mother… fucker…” I thought to myself.

So he strikes up a conversation as per usual, and I casually asked him if he had any more of the signs, explaining that I’d been looking for one and couldn’t find any for our yard. Oh yeah, I think we have one or two at the church still”. Yes, he works at the church in some capacity or another. And he’s bringing the signs to school for me tomorrow.

Once I have them properly adulterated, I will put them up in the yard and post the pictures.

In other news, Avery is driving me BATSHIT. FUCKING. CRAZY.

I wrote a huge entry, but it was all self indulgent, negative, whiny, complaining bullshit and I fucking hate that shit in a way that defies description. I’m very unlike myself today, my frustration is getting the best of me and my joy has gone on vacation. Please, no “I hope you feel better” comments allowed on this post because (A.) this is not a pity party, and (B.) I don’t want to hear “Hang in there, it gets better!”

I know it gets better, I’m well aware of that fact. I’m that guy that encourages others when they need it. I don’t need to be encouraged right now though. All encouragement would do for me is remind me that I feel like shit, and who the fuck needs that?

Something to bear in mind, since I think it is relevant, and since it might serve to prevent me from biting your head off if ever you try to lend me a helping hand in the future. IF ever something is bothering me, I’m sad or angry or frustrated, do me a favor and just let me have my feelings. I’m resilient and can work it out on my own. It’s very nice to offer to be there for someone, I do it a lot. There’s a point where you have to take care of your own shit, though - and the last thing you need is to be molly-coddled. I don’t like having my hand held and I don’t like being patted on the back. When I’m angry, I just want to be fucking angry until I’m not angry anymore, so for as good as your intentions might be sometimes, I will benefit more from you keeping it to yourself and just sending me good energy. It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, quite the contrary. I just prefer to work a lot of stuff out for myself.

If you are my friend, then I already know that you’re there for me if and when I need you. That is why I would consider you a friend in the first place. That’s how it is SUPPOSED to be. The thing about me is, if I DO decide that I need you, you’ll be the first one to know. I’ll come to you, okay? If I have something I want to discuss with you, I’ll be the one to bring it up. Anyone that pulls on me pushes me away. That’s me, that’s how I’m wired. It is fixed and unchangeable. If you pull, you’re really pushing.

I’m having a bad goddamned day is all. It’s no big deal in the grand scheme, but I want to be in a good mood today and I’m just not - I’m actually in a really fucking shitty mood. So please, let me have my shitty mood, and leave me alone about it.