This is a continuation of the recent family email debacle, now with my father in the mix. This is quite possibly the most important post I’ve made in the 5 years I’ve kept this blog.
Does the first line of your reply apply only to me or to the racist junk that started it all? I did take it up with him, the purpose of replying to all was to let it be known that if you’re not going to call out racism then you are part of the problem by being complacent about it. I DO delete the things that serve no interest or point for me, this was an opportunity to call out something that is blatantly wrong. This wasn’t satire for the sake of cynicism, this was blatant racism - calling it satire doesn’t make it so. Burning down Starbucks & Walmart? Why the cheap shots, is there some point there I’m missing?
Here’s another point for you - I don’t give a shit about your politics either, but you don’t see ME sending YOU things I know you’re going to take a moral objection to, now do I? The difference here is I can agree to disagree about politics, but I draw the line at racism. I could easily send you tons of emails, PAC ads, newsletters and such in support of gay rights - but I don’t. I could send you ten times the cartoons and points of actual satire that mock the Bush administration than you send me - but I don’t. Why? It is a measure of respect, a respect you and I declared for one another many years ago that we wouldn’t flaunt such things in one another’s faces. I’ve held true to my part of that agreement and stopped writing letters to be published in the newspaper espousing my views on politics, religion, and gay rights while I was still living at home as per your directive (I still have the letter you wrote me to that effect), and I believe I’ve still held true to that respect.
I do have a high standard of ethics, you as my father should be proud of that. It would have been nice if somewhere in your reply you would have at least offered me some sense of understanding for my feelings about racism, and at the very least addressed the issue, but you only want to jump my shit for speaking my mind. Taking into very serious account everything you’ve said here, you come off as defending this ’satire’ as you call it. You admonish me for speaking my mind against racist propaganda, but you have nothing to say on the subject yourself. I’ll ask you just like I asked Mark when he emailed me earlier in a tone similar to yours: Did you find nothing objectionable about the original email or just my response to it?
New reply:
> No, I found nothing objectable about the joke nor did I consider it as racist. It was simply poking fun at the ridiculous statements and accusations tha
t have been made by people like Jesse Jackson, Ray whatisname (mayor of New Orleans), and other left wingers as related to the New Orleans fiasco. It did not only refer to African-Americans but the poor, Howard Dean, John Kerry, Bush, Dick Cheney, etc., etc.
>
> As far as racism goes the most racist people in this country are black leaders, and until they change their tactics in dealing with problems there will continue to be racism because they promote it. I, and I think most people, do not judge people by their color, religion, or any other criteria except who they are and how they act. However, the black community as a whole have got to clean up their act. Example, when in the early hours of flooding in New Orleans people (mostly black) were looting plasma TVs, Nike shoes, etc, right in front of TV cameras and laughing about it. Same is true when provided shelter in the dome and civic centers and they trashed them, complained about the type food they got, raped and murdered people, and you can go on and on. When they do things like that they open themselves up to criticism as a race. Right or wrong that’s just the way it is. A lot of innocent people suffered and still are suffering because of Katrina and they are not only black people, but blacks are the large majority that have caused the situation to be so ridiculous it is indeed a joke, a sad joke but nevertheless a joke. And that is why things like the joke Todd forwarded is created and circulated. Most people just look at it as being funny.
>
> Of course there are still a small number of bigots out there and probably always will be, but many blacks have come a long way in the last several years and most people respect those who work to be upright citizens. A good percentage are good hard working people but they are still being dragged down by the sorry ones who think the world owes them a living. Most of their leaders care nothing about the rank and file but are only interested in stirring up crap to get publicity and lining their own pockets. I have a good many black friends and they resent the sorry ones as much as everyone does. However, black people as a race are in the same boat as Muslims, until they get some responsible leaders who stand up and start condemning the ones who cause all the trouble instead of making excuses for them, decent people will continue to harbor resentment for what the radical ones do. Call this racism or whatever but that’s just the way it is.
>
> I know you keep up with the news. The Starbucks & Wal-Mart thing was also a joke referring to the riots and destruction in the middle east about the cartoon in a Denmark paper. I guess that is racist also?????
>
> In closing, I really think there is no use beating a dead mule so this is the last I will respond to on this subject.
My most recent reply:
I want to begin this by stating for the record that this is not about being right or wrong, it is about fairness. This is my effort to try and explain how I feel, and I would appreciate your consideration in reading the whole of it as I put a lot of effort into writing it. I don’t expect you to agree OR even accept, I’m only hoping you’ll step outside of yourself long enough to try and understand what I’m saying and respectfully appreciate that I feel strongly about my position here. If we never come to agreeance, I will accept that - but I want you to know where you stand with me on some of these things because that is the fair thing to do, good, bad, and indifferent.
I wanted to tell you a few more things since this merits further introspection of your replies to me. For starters, your opening line in the first reply is “Well, well, well……..now aren’t we acting like a sensible adult sending this kind of silly junk to a whole bunch of people” in such a way that the implication is such that it is a bad thing. Fair enough, you’re entitled to your opinion. My opinion is that it was highly hypocritical of you to copy the reply to three people OTHER than myself. In all fairness, you
cannot expect me to take to heart something of that caliber (particularly when it is immediately supported with “if you have an issue with another member, take it up with that member and don’t involve a bunch of other people who don’t need and most likely don’t give a shit what you think”) when you yourself aren’t keeping to your own assertive declaration. Furthermore, since when is the act of calling out something I felt strongly against in a carefully worded email ’silly junk’? Was it not you who a couple of weeks ago forwarded me (and several others, I might add) an email from a friend of yours not unlike the email from Todd with the opening line “I never thought this person was racist but now I’m not so sure - you be the judge” to which I replied “That’s disgusting” in no uncertain terms? Why all of a sudden is there a double standard? Funny how you never used a word like ’satire’ in your description of that content, so unless there is some poignant difference you’ve yet to illuminate for me, I call bullshit on this one. If I’m wrong, point out for me where the valid differences are between the two.
It’s pretty sad to me that within the context of your initial response, you failed to acknowledge my original point or give any credence to my feelings, let alone ask why I felt as I did before launching into the sarcasm. That required no forethought whatsoever and came off to me as the easiest thing to do rather than questioning me first, and perhaps I’m projecting what I would have done as a better alternative. The fact that you make the claim that you found nothing inherently racist about the ‘joke’ bothers me. It bothers me in the same way you make a statement like “Black people as a whole need to get their act together”. People who are ’sorry’, sure - but making a sweeping generalization like that is precisely what I’m talking about. The notion that a ‘good percentage of black people are good, hardworking people…’ suggests that you think the vast majority are not, which I take strong objection to. These satirical jokes, as you call them - do they also get forwarded to the ‘good many black friends’ that you have? If so, what are their opinions of this subject matter? If not, exactly why is it that you aren’t sharing this with these friends? I don’t expect you to be on my side in a lot of things, but I never expected you to come at me with both barrels blazing (note absence of cheap Cheney joke) in objection to me standing up for what I believe is an inherent evil and calling it out as such in a declaration that had no hidden agendas, only forthright clarity. Here’s a big difference worth pointing out. You may think it is perfectly acceptable to send me something that you know I’ll take objection to or somehow find offensive, but you cannot say the same of me as I show more respect to all of you until someone crosses a line with me and then you have the nerve to go all authoritative on me like I’M the one in the wrong. This is not just a matter of being unfair, it is a double standard. It never occurs to me to flaunt anything in your face and leave it up to you to delete it once the damage is done, my ‘high standard of ethics’ that I wear as a gleaming badge of honor prevents me from doing such things. A good half of what you send me falls on deaf ears, but I take the opportunity to actually read it first before dismissing it as unimportant. I don’t believe in censorship but I do believe in taste and reasonable judgment. What, would you rather I lowered my ethical standards? Not going to happen, my ethical standards are high for many reasons, several of which are being illustrated right now. Perhaps I’m taking your sarcasm too literally, but the fact that as a father you’re taking issue with your son’s high standard of ethics is enough to make one cross-eyed.
You cannot speak for everyone Dad, not everyone is going to agree with you. Case in point, your own sister was the first to reply to me, and I quote: “FOR WHATEVER IT IS WORTH……I agree with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” - so it’s no
t a case of me being hypersensitive. The bigger issue here is not that I replied to everyone on the list or even you copying your reply to others while admonishing me for the same thing, the real issue is why you are putting energy into that instead of addressing why you curiously had nothing to offer one way or the other on racist propaganda the kind that was the catalyst for all of this in the first place and my valid point that being complacent about it was part of the problem perpetuating it. You had no problem calling a spade a spade when it was a friend of yours, but let me do it and it’s somehow a different story. You’d never let me get away with behavior like that and it certainly isn’t washing with me.
You don’t have to like what I have to say, you don’t even have to accept it. To borrow from you, you also don’t have to read it, particularly when you have a ‘d-e-l-e-t-e’ key as well. I’m going to speak my mind and say what I want to say because it matters (especially when it is for a greater good), and no amount of condescension is going to change that fact. In a million years I would never disrespect you by telling you to censor what you want to say or to whom you want to say it, you demanding it of me is unappreciated. THAT is why I’m not some blind follower living in “it doesn’t affect me, so it’s not my problem, I can just ignore it” world. If another person is oppressed for any unfair or unjust reason, that diminishes ME as a person and I work to make a difference through my actions without hypocritical judgements and double standards that I won’t even keep myself.
All sarcasm aside, thank you for reaffirming my belief that it is important to take a stand for things that matter. I’m sure you probably didn’t want a Liberal, queer activist for a son, but that’s what you’ve got Dad - like it or not, for better or for worse. I’d be a Democrat if I believed they had any balls, but that’s neither here nor there. You did not raise me to be a follower and I sure as hell wasn’t raised to look the other way and pretend I didn’t see what I know for a fact I saw. That’s your impact on me to this day and it shows what a fine job you did as a role model for being a strong man who isn’t content to take shit from people, so by all means take pride in that! It’s not essential that you be proud of me for standing up for the content of what I believe to be sacred, particularly if you disagree - but it sure would be a nice a surprise if you did not simply dismiss it as irrelevant.
On a final note, as per your directive but not your action, this email was not copied to anyone on that list but instead sent to you and you alone. You should also know that Todd and I had emailed back and forth and had already come to a resolute understanding before your reply was even written. This was the catalyst for the first voluntary conversation we’ve had in many, many years. Disagree with me all you want, I have a very thick skin and I can take it - but at the very least show me the same respect I’ve continually shown you, because I’ve earned it. I love and respect you regardless, I always have and I always will, whether you’re right or wrong. Even if I think your politics are insane in the majority of instances, even though I don’t get your religious beliefs, in spite of everything that makes us different - the truth is that you are one of my heroes and I look past all of the differences to see everything you’ve done for me as a father and that is why I am so very proud that you are my father. This was a LONG time coming, Dad. This whole email debacle and the racism thing was the catalyst for a lot of things that I needed to say, but it is all my truth and I hope you can hear it.
I will NOT be complacent, I don’t care who you are. Love me or hate me, like me or be totally indifferent to me, you’re going to know where you stand with me and I’m not going to take shit from anyone - PERIOD.